Marriage is not about sex, but it is a very important part of our marriage life. Can a sexless marriage survive? Will you try you best to bring it back to your life or agree to live with it?
I think most of people will not agree to live in a sexless marriage, but the fact is more and more couples are having sex less than 10 times a year. This is exactly sexless marriage according to definition from marriage experts. What’s more, this condition are happening to 15 to 20 percent of couples nowadays.
Causes of a sexless marriage
What are the common causes of a sexless marriage? The reasons are various. There are 3 common reasons agreed by experts. Firstly, you may work too hard or too busy. You don’t have the mind and time to have sex. After one busy day, you fell asleep once you lie in bed. Secondly, it could be caused by young children to take care of. Taking care a baby is like fighting a war to women, not to mention it could be two or more children. The existence of children will catch your attention and distract your affection to your spouse. Lastly, lack of desire could be another cause of sexless marriage. This could happen when both of you are less attractive two each other, work on your attraction physically and mentally may fix the problem.
It is more than sex
No marriage problems are isolated, it means sexless marriage may indicates other problems in your marriage. It is more than sex that are missing.
For many people, sexless marriage is just the surface of the problem, loveless is the nature. Lack of connection and affection is the true reason why you don’t have sex. One person can be busy, be stressed or be distracting for a period, but how about real sexless marriage that less than 10 times a year? That’s strictly sexless marriage defined by experts. Figuring out what is hidden behind the sexless surface is the key to fix your sexless marriage.
Is it worth staying?
This is an open minded topic that worth discussing. Most of people around me would not agree to stay a sexless marriage. But if it is caused by physical reasons, many would agree to stay. The interesting part is, what make it worth stay or not is not sex itself. The sexless marriage caused by emotion reasons is less worth staying for most people, because it means more than sex is missing. So whether it is worth staying in a sexless marriage is depends on multiple factors, but it is more worth it when the affection and connection is not decreased.
Can a sexless marriage ever survive?
People are keen to know the final answer of whether sexless marriage can survive. My answer is always the same – You can survive if you want to. You can survive your sexless marriage if you still love your spouse and have affection on him or her. If you think it is worth it, you can figure out ways to fix it since most sexless marriage are caused physically. Even for physical reasons, many will still accept their marriage as long as there is love between them.
So it is not sexless marriage that are hard to survive, it is loveless sexless marriage that are having really difficulty times. In this case, it is more helpless. Meeting some experts and seeking help from marriage counselling may be the way out. If you insist solve it by your own, here is my advice.
How to fix a sexless marriage
Have a good conversation – You will not know what the reason of sexless marriage, but a good conversation may reveal everything to you. You should be honest to each other, hiding your thoughts and ideas will not make any progress. If you reveal yourself first, there are a great chance that your spouse will do the same thing to you too.
Spend more time together – living in a same house and barely speak a word is not spending time together, you are not doing things together. Affection and connection will not be built without spending time together. Pick a time for a good walking, watching a movie, go to some place with your family will all be good choice.
Work on your attraction – it doesn’t mean you can skip all the work out when you are marriage. You should keep your attraction and watch out your shape and being married is not an excuse for being lazy. More importantly, you should also work on mental attraction and be a more attractive person. Reading some books to keep your mind fresh, make you spouse laugh or doing something nice will all help to you attractions.
Small Steps – Fixing a sexless marriage will not success overnight. You have to be patient and make small progress day by day. Small steps everyday will make a good movement in the end. Encourage your spouse or build more emotion connection each day, or spend some time doing things together. Remember not to push your spouse which will make things worse, small steps and keep it will make all things right in the end.
Seek for help together – apart from marriage counselling, it would be OK to seek some help from friends and relatives. Most importantly, you and your spouse should have agreement on you are in marriage troubles, so that you and your spouse can have a therapy together. When forced to meet a marriage expert can make things even worse, not to mention it is hard to fix marriage problems without your spouse’s cooperation.