Second Marriage Problems and How to Handle Them Effectively

In the current society, a second marriage has been a common issue and numerous problems are evident during this period. In numerous marriage breakups, the common issue is a lack of communication or miss communication. When the husband and the wife do not communicate, problems increases and if the couples are not connecting emotionally, physically and verbally, marital problems increases. Miss communication may be traced to previous marriage in which the form and type of communication may be different from the current marriage. It requires re-tuning the communication process to reflect the changing second marriage objectives, resulting in a situation, where understanding and clarity of issues is embraced. The couple has to discuss issues, negotiate on matters, and present the way forward, and this is based on effective communication. Other complications of ineffective communication such as noise, context, and content should address to ensure effective communication is encouraged and championed in the second marriage.

second marriage problems

‘Selfishness’ and time allocation creates challenges in second marriage especially when children are involved. One of the couples may enter into a marriage with a child and the position of the child within the marriage setting create challenges. For example, the mother may dedicate most of the time to the child leaving the spouse/partner feeling ‘jealous.’ In achieving long-term stability for both the children and the second marriage, the spouses should focus on each other and also consider the requirements of the children. The second husband or wife have to put each other first and address the children’s needs later. The benefit of putting a partner first creates the impression of giving security and honoring the fact that the partner is considered and important to the sustainability of marriage. The spouses have to ensure they have communicated with the children in that the children should not use the opportunity to demand things or create friction between the spouses. The spouses have to understand the potential of the children breaking the marriage and the solution is to address the issue as a couple rather than as an individual. Furthermore, the spouses should not compensate through ‘bribing’ the child’s since the spouse feels guilty for first marriage failure.

The spouses have to leg to go about the past. The previous relationship or marriage should not influence negatively the current marriage. Spouses have to knowledge from past marriage expenses through understanding what was good and what was wrong. Even if one of the spouses in the previous relationship was a jerk, instances of compassion, caring and kindness existed. An individual has to tale an inventory on what contributed to the marriage failure focusing on personal weaknesses and shortcomings. The spouse should then implemented measures or avoid circumstances that contributed to the previous marriage and utilize the understanding of previous marriage to improve the current marriage. Discussing the previous marriage is appropriate but the frequency of the discussion should be limited to learning of the mistakes. For instances, the discussion can be used to let go of the past, and this can be achieved through discussing and engaging with friends. Hence, the previous relations should not be used as a basis for creating challenges to the current marriage.

Meeting the parent and the extended family is important even if one of the spouses is not comfortable with the engagement. A spouse should understand the existence of the family and determine the value of the family to an individual. The process provides of picking signs of potential problems such as the extended family may be extremely intrusive, one of the spouses relying on their respective parents to make important decisions, and the relationship of an individual with the parent. The family can support the marriage and the family can also support the family, and the focus for the second marriage is the wider impact of either spouse’s family. Since an individual does not marry a family, it means that the spouses have to address the challenges and issues from the family and determine the approach to avoid the problems and complications.

how to save a marriage when he or she wants out

Previous relations can extend to the current relationship, especially about those ex-spouses. Even those divorced couples with children may be relatively reasonable and civil, others create problems and issues and may affect the second marriage. Control and power issues associated with the previous marriages can continue long after divorce. Over-involvement and frequent communication with the ex-spouse create problems, especially when one of the individuals had drug problems or after financial issues e.g. dividing assets and alimony objectives. Even though these issues are common, it is important to reduce instances of communication with an individual ex, and any negotiation about wealth and financial assistance should be done in an open area, with a mediator in the process. The aim is to solve the issue as soon as possible and ensure issues with the ex-spouse are addressed conclusively. In addition, each of the spouses should communicate about the agreements and understanding with ex-spouse and discuss how the actions or decisions may impact the second marriage. It extends to the importance of effective communication and the requirement of the spouses to communicate and support each other.

second marriage problems and how to hand themPatience and appreciation of each other are important because the second marriage cannot be perfect overnight. The spouses have to adjust to reflect the changing marriage arrangements and sometimes can take longer than planned . Lack of patience and understanding the spouse may create problems to the second marriage . To improve and champion patience, some issues have to be considered including personal independence, lovemaking, household chores and finances in addition to custody issues, ex-spouses expenses and other variables associated with first marriage breakup (Strong & Cohen, 2013). The spouses have to be patient with these conditions and variables and be ready to create an environment in which patience can foster .

In conclusion, the second marriage is faced with numerous challenges and it is imperative to handle these issues to prevent breaking the second marriage. Some of the problems of second marriage include lack of communication or miss communication, lack of patience, putting the spouses first, feeling guilty of a failure of the first marriage, negatives from the spouses’ family, and issues with ex-spouses. The solution to these problems includes championing effective communication, been patient, supporting each other and understanding the position of children, addressing problems from ex-spouses, and creating an environment of support and appreciation. The spouses should use the first marriage to gauge what were the fundamental differences, and how these differences can be sought and not be brought into the second marriage.

 
how to save a marriage when he or she wants out
 

References

  1. Beck, U., & Beck-Gernsheim, E. (2015). The normal chaos of love. New York: John Wiley & Sons.

2. Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. London: Harmony.

3. Kimbrough, S. O., & Kuo, A. (2010, July). On heuristics for two-sided matching: Revisiting the stable marriage problem as a multiobjective problem. In Proceedings of the 12th annual conference on Genetic and evolutionary computation (pp. 1283-1290). ACM.

4. Scarf, M. (2010). Intimate partners: Patterns in love and marriage. London: Ballantine Books.

5. Sherman, R., & Fredman, N. (2013). Handbook of measurements for marriage and family therapy. London: Routledge.

6. Strong, B., & Cohen, T. F. (2013). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in a changing society. London: Cengage Learning.

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