In our days, the institution of marriage is clearly in trouble. Statistics say that around 4 out of every 10 people do not believe in marriage anymore and think that is an obsolete institution. However, besides people not willing to marry anymore, there are many married people who do not get any action at home. Sexless marriage divorce rate is becoming a social problems that are talked by more and more people.
Sexless Marriage Overview
They live in what’s called a sexless marriage. For instance, on the website The Experience Project, there are over 17,000 people say that they are living in a sexless marriage. Recent surveys are showing that the number of people who are experiencing it privately is much higher. As many as 20 million married Americans are living in a sexless marriage.
Among them, middle-aged men are the most unhappy with the situation. According to an AP/LifeGoesStrong.com poll, almost half say that they are not having as much sex as they would like. This is not just a U.S. phenomenon. A recent survey shows that in Australia 42 percent of women and 54 percent of men are unhappy with how often they are having sex.
There is, clearly, an ongoing problem in the marital bed. And, this can, obviously, lead to divorce. According to associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University Denise A. Donnelly, people in sexless marriages are less happy in their marriages and more likely to consider divorce. Sexless marriage is also taken as a sign of a failing marriage.
What is a Sexless Marriage
The definition of a “sexless” marriage, however, is not so clear. Some consider it as sexless if the married couple has sex 10 times a year or less. Others, think that it depends on your personal threshold. Under this definition even a marriage where you want it daily and you’re getting it weekly, falls under the “sexless” label.
Surprising may be the fact that many men are often not in the mood. Among the reasons why married couples stop having sex are included nagging, power struggles, infidelity, work, children, weigh, depression, unemployment, stress, anger, porn, and menopause. However, going sexless is not healthy from a physical, emotional and mental perspective.
Medical studies show that sex can have health benefits and even be some kind of fountain of youth. Frequent intercourse helps maintain youth because it pushes the brain to release human growth hormone. It also reduces the risk of prostate cancer, burns calories, boosts the immune and cardiovascular systems, and relieves stress. To not mention that sex it’s really fun. To not mention that sex it’s really fun.
Causes Of Sexless Marriage
Most of the sexless marriages, sexually speaking, were off to a good start. They became sexless because a number of factors:
1. Physical issues
A low sex drive can have a biochemical and physical component. In both aspects of how much sex you want and how much you want sex, hormones play a huge role. Painful sex can also be a problem for some women. Being just tired can lower the frequency of sexual encounters as well. When you feel depleted, you have nothing left to give because there simply isn’t enough energy for sex. This means that physical reasons can be among the causes for the sexless marriages. However, they do not play a great role. More often the real reason is an undisclosed emotional infatuation or affair with someone else. Or, it could be something going wrong in the relationship dynamics.
Around 30 percent living in a sexless marriage said in surveys that they stopped having sex after they had their first child. This answer was closely followed by saying that they stopped having sex before their fifth anniversary. Some other participants to the surveys mentioned health issues and others said being married over 10 years was to blame.
Most people define their sexless marriage as having sex around 12 times a year (or an average of once a month. Only 13 percent of couples said that they are never having sex.
4. Who is to blame?
The number one response in survey is that the wife isn’t interested. The respondents cited exhaustion and stress as culprits for going sexless.
5. Who cares?
As much as 75 percent of participants to surveys do care. They said that they are unhappy to live in a sexless marriage. More than 50 percent said that, if they had known the marriage would be sexless, they wouldn’t have married their spouses.
6. How they react?
Most respondents said that they are tired of getting rejected by their spouses and, therefore, they have stopped making any efforts. Around 33 of the participants to surveys do not think anything would lead to improvement. Many are considering that there is nothing left for them inside the marriage and it’s time to move on.
7. What do they want?
The respondents said that they want sex/intimacy, friendship/companionship, and love. Almost 50 percent of them said that lack of sex in the marriage is not a reason for divorce and only 33 percent said that they think about divorcing. It seams, that despite their unhappiness with their sexual life, most of these people are still committed to their marriages.
Going beyond surveys and entering the realm of statistics, we know that around 40 percent of marriages end in divorce. We can also assume that married couples who have sex less than once a week are probably unhappy with their sex life. It is also well known the fact that the sex drive of men is usually higher than that of their female partners. However, that doesn’t mean that wives cannot become dissatisfied with the lack of sex frequency as well.
Can a sexless marriage survive? Taking into consideration all the previous factors, we can assume that most of the sexless marriages will end in divorce. Since around 20 percent of married couples have a sexless marriage and another 25 percent of them have sex less than once a week, considering that the overall divorce rate is around 40 percent, we may assume that most of the sexless marriages (at a total of around 45 percent of all marriages) will end in divorce.
If you live in a sexless marriage, maybe it’s time to do something about it. Sex is an important aspect of our lives. If you feel you aren’t getting enough of it, you may be resentful and angry. Definitely, to be constantly rejected it doesn’t feel good.